This Week Has Been A Blur

This week has been a blur.

It’s my first week back to work at the hospital after a very long road trip, (Our first long one with a baby under the age of one)!

I have to say I think we are all still exhausted. I know I am. He did really well on the drive, surprisingly. 4 days straight driving and being stuck in a car seat is a bit much for even the most patient of babies. But now that I know he can handle it. I am starting to make a small list of the other places I’d like to go and see. I don’t know if I’ll ever lose my itch for travel.

A few things on my list of places in the States are; Mount Rushmore, to see the grand canyon again, to make it to the Hot air balloon festival in New Mexico, and Ann Arbor Michigan and surrounding areas, and The Niagara Falls. This is a small but growing list. What are some places you guys would like to go?

It was so great to go back home and visit our extended families, I missed them and love them, but I don’t think I can go back permanently. Travel is in my blood, and it calls to me. I’m just thrilled that we will be able to continue to include my son, and make it a “family thing”.

But for now, it’s back to work. Both at the Hospital and at Takeo Tama and our brands. Some really good things are in the works and for now I’m just working on getting my groove back and staying helpful.


Never Liked Authority…

I’ve apparently always had issues with authority. Starting from early on, refusing to “clean my room”, going through school, and into adulthood now. It’s funny, I seem to be fine with something until someone tells me I “have to” do something. I work hard, at work, I guess I just like things to be my idea. Or if I am told to do something, I want to know why and that the reason is not dumb, or because an “I say so” kind of reasoning. “Policy says” and blah blah blah.

I don’t know. Probably not a good quality, but I question everything!

I remember being tiny at my great grandmother’s church and getting into an argument with the pastor about god and dinosaurs. He told me my ideas were wrong, and I remember being pissed, knowing that I did not like or believe what he said.

This pattern follows me throughout:

Tell me we need to vaccinate against every disease; but show me proof that it works, and is safe, and no I won’t sign your refusal paper.

Don’t tell me your psychic; show me.

Tell me your tits are bigger than mine; prove it!

But I digress…

I guess what I’m really saying is, I just want to be left alone to do my own thing. I really don’t like a lot of external interference. I just want to pick my hours and what days I want off of work, choose how to raise my family, my own way, and not be told I have to because, “just because”.

It shouldn’t be too much to ask.


April Blizzards Bring May Lizards

Sayings, wives-tales, wise-tales? This just has me cracking up. I’ve heard of, “April showers bring May flowers,” but this Lizard one is too much! In the Midwest-States, I’ve heard some great ones. Most recently was, “The snow falls on a Robin’s tail three times.”–Like Winter is not over until that happens. People are counting. Seriously. And for the record; this past weekend’s snow was the third (and hopefully the last) snow of “Winter”.

Meanwhile, my family down south is overheating and feeding the squirrel ice water to cool her off. My dad said, “The moon in June means July will be dry.”–Not sure about that one. (Remember the squirrel my sister rescued? She’s still doing well)–“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”. Another Southerner saying, “If it was a snake it would have bit me”.

Für den deutschen Geist schmelzen: “A penny saved from hard work is a penny saved for a day you don’t work.”

(Ostpreußisch: “Grosz do grosza, a będzie kokosza.”–“A penny saved is a penny earned.”)

Or a personal favorite of mine, “Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”

What are some old sayings you guys have?


On A Lighter Note: “An Honest Question?”

There is an “honest question” that I have been wondering for a while, and it’s burning a hole in my soul. “Why are cats afraid of cucumbers?” — Do they think they are snakes? What is really going on here… Can someone let me borrow their cat so I can test this out?? The world may never know many things but this! I must know!!


Warning: #MeToo

I’m kinda’ the anti-feminist woman. I typically get annoyed with activist types, and the whole man hating thing. I like that men and women are different. I like that we have different strengths and weaknesses, and I feel like they can compliment each other.

That being said, I have to comment…

I have been reading and hearing much lately about many people in positions of power being abusive to their wives or girlfriends. It is a huge problem. not just for celebrities and politicians, but everywhere.

I have to say, this is a subject that is all too familiar to me.

I was previously in a very unhealthy marriage/relationship. I recognize and sympathize with the women in the articles I have read. Many said the exact same things I remember going through. “Walking on eggshells” around the significant other, not knowing when they would switch and become verbally abusive or physically abusive and threatening almost out of nowhere.

I can not say that I did not have a role in that toxic relationship, but I remember feeling like I was dying, and losing more and more of myself, and my soul, everyday.

People for various reasons decide to stay in these unhealthy and terrible situations, and many do not survive. I stayed much longer than any sane person would have. But then again, I have never pretended to be fully sane.

I made it through the other side, out of crushing darkness and over the past years, have started finding myself once again. (Not dead, just misplaced); I know that I’m truly stronger because of it.


I’m not a man hater.

I do have anger and some insecurities that are probably leftover, maybe even a few bouts of PTSD type behaviors. It’s something I have to try and work through everyday, but I have to try and use it for positive.

Hopefully, I can use it to teach my son how to be a strong man who is comfortable being a man and being himself, while also knowing how to be kind to others (i.e. the women in his life).

Thank you for reading!


Mother’s Day Reflections

Though I’m not big on “commercial” holidays, and spending money just to spend it. This Mother’s Day held a different perspective for me from all the years previously, even more so now than last year. I’m not certain if my mother would have preferred a gift, I just called my mother this year to wish her a Happy Day, and just proceeded to play with my little one, interspersed with some writing for some of our other brands, then we just went for a drive. We even went to a mall where a gift was offered to me, but like I said, I just can’t get into spending money just to spend it, for holidays and stuff. I just really enjoyed being anywhere, home or not, with my own little family. I like sentimental things and making memories, so I just traced my son’s hand on paper. I tried to make hand prints with paint and that did not work out so well, but I digress.

I guess this year, I am just happy to be his “Mutter”, or “Mum Mum” as he is calling me presently. I feel grateful to see how far I’ve come emotionally, and I’m looking forward to continuing to grow myself, my family, and Takeo Tama; writing, singing and managing all of our brand endeavors.

So I guess what I’m saying is Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who are… and everyone else, call your Mom if you have not already. Other than that… Talk to you guys more soon!

Hell In The Pacific (OST) []

It doesn’t seem like many people know that “Hell In The Pacific” (OST) is one of the many licenses that Takeo Tama has under its belt. Another thing that a lot of people don’t know is that they may have in fact, only experienced a portion of this soundtrack-album as it had three major-releases (and one final-revision). So, now that I have your attention; some of you might have said to yourselves just then, “What on Earth is Hell In The Pacific?”

Hell In The Pacific (OST)
Description from the original box-art:

Pearl Harbor, Japan’s D-Day on America, one of the most Influential and eye-opening events of the 20th Century; Those that wanted War with Hitler’s regime but couldn’t join-up in time, finally get their chance to fight. Though titled as some grand form of theatrical art, no one really wanted front row seats in the Pacific-Theatre. Atrocities, Imprisonment, Torture and the like, soured this battle from the start. The main struggle for soldiers in this conflict would be sustaining their sanity, over all that ensued. In reflection of those troubling hours and historical plights, see the world as a soldier, crusading over the front lines; battling onward to make it through. Experience the sights through the Ambient, Classical, and Experimental sounds of The Modding Theater’s: “Hell in the Pacific” (Original Soundtrack)

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Brave Decisions, Scary Indecision, Blissful Expectations (

I am normally one of the most nerve-wrecked people you’d ever encounter (easily), to the point where it has at certain moments, made my decision making abilities “less” than desirable, but, despite all of that, I don’t care. I want to do well, I want others to fare well and grow, I want all things to expand (within reason) and mostly, I want ‘fun’ at the end of all these tunnels, these channels of dreams, beating the odds, escaping all fears; and then there’s the realities of my desires in…

1. Art

2. Creation

3. Entertainment

Preceded by:

A. Life (survival)

B. Health

C. Family

So, what are some of the fun things from the first list of three?

Taming The Beast!

At Takeo Tama, we have “The” ‘Composer’. I’m still wrapping my head around how many fully-completed releases we still have to get out. It’s insane!! So, in the interim, I tell Sekrett Scilensce, “I think it’d be a good idea to take some of your more unexpected songs and slip them out to [YouTube] via their recent merged [Google-Play] bullsh*t.”

I didn’t expect him to but, he sighed in agreement.

I moved along, explaining my thought-processes and ultimately, finally managed to formulate a bolder decision then many I’ve made over a long while.

Do you have 15-minutes?!

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Back to what I was saying; what’s fun from that second list??

Well, 2-months ago, I slipped on some ice and injured my ankle, and then had to crawl back inside then upstairs just to, “ice” it some more?

It’s finally starting to feel a little better and I’m walking with much less of a limp and no crutches but still!

My son is just as “graceful”. He falls constantly but smiles and gets right back up. Thankfully, he has not hurt himself too bad (yet), though he did just chip his tooth last night. He is starting to stand more on his own now and I’m sure he will take his first steps by the end of this month.

All this in between business-decisions, bottle-feedings, diaper-changes, quick-doodles, and staring out the window at the snow, missing the flowers and the beach!!

What have you been up to?

Irritation (If Nothing At All)

Have you ever just been irritated? So irritated that for no particular reason, the image of a cat with an arched back and hairs standing on end comes to mind?? How about a ten-foot force-field or solitary confinement chamber that cannot soothe the frustration??? Perhaps a stroll on the beach, reading a book in the sands of summer while the waves tickle your toes is the remedy????

Anywhere but the snow or prolonged, grey, days.

Am I going Winter stir crazy?!

I am trying to still be productive but, the things I think of leave my mind quickly, and the things that stay, are not really worth writing about.

Everything comes and goes but for now, it’s just me and my unfounded, irritation…


“Personalities On The Road”

During my travels, many many hours were spent searching for a billiard hall or just a tiny dive bar with good food and a table. Sometimes, we wouldn’t find a table, and would instead find a river, rent a canoe and have another sort of adventure. Other times, I would just keep driving for hours, taking a left or a right when the whim struck and just settled where ever we’d end up.

We met so many people and made some great friends for the evening. I could not for the life of me tell you how to get back to but maybe just a few of the places. I did jot them down in my book, but navigating back would be a skill.

Most called us grifters, asking how far we came, shared a few drinks, a few rounds of pool, or maybe even a dance. Some would nod in recognition or come up and shake our hands, while others still unknown would just play a certain song on the jukebox as a welcome. Others would open up the table for us and let us just play, round after round until well past closing time.

We rarely had a bad experience though some of the older more experienced players would warn me of the dangers of the trade.

I met the most genuine of people. People with real humor, real problems, wanting to have a good time, or drink away a memory. Nothing pop-culture, nothing censored. Just down right dirty, good, fun, (and of course, plenty of rounds of pool).

Now, being a Mom… My chances of getting out on the road and more importantly, on the table have diminished. Unless we find a “family friendly” joint, it will be a while before I can play again. But rest assured, once he is tall enough to use a cue, I’ll be teaching him the way of the world of billiards.

It is not so different in the music world either. Most musicians start out playing in bars, and therefore become acquainted with the atmosphere, the tables, and all the personalities therein.